


A Thousand Sunrises

by TWDObsessive



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Love, M/M, POV First Person, POV Rick, Pining, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 02:10:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6404341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ramblings from Rick as he waits up for Daryl to return from a hunt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Thousand Sunrises

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd one-shot. And since I wrote this at like one in the morning and decided to post on hardly any sleep, I'm sure it's overflowing with typos and grammatical errors. So apologies in advance!

The sun was coming up. I took early morning watch when I realized Daryl wouldn’t be home from his hunt. If it got past twilight, that meant he was staying out overnight and wouldn't be back til morning. I can’t sleep when he’s not here. Never could, even before Alexandria. Before all the new threats. Back at the quarry all we worried about was the dead. But then we faced the Governor and the claimers and the termites. The living’s a lot more trouble. That’s the threat. Dead’s nothing. Christ Carl could handle the dead. I’m pretty sure Judith’ll be able to knife one before she even masters walking. They’re rotted anymore. Jaws unhinged, skin peeling away, bodies falling apart. Only real danger is being taken by surprise or outnumbered. It’s nothing we can’t handle.

But that’s not the point. The sun was coming up. And I was still waiting for Daryl. And now that we have Saviors and Wolves and god-knows-who-else out there… It’s not as easy waiting anymore. Not that it was ever easy. Was worse when I knew he was gone because the heat of him wasn’t beside me. Don’t got a reason to lay against him anymore and that’s been one of the worse things about this place. About these walls. Plenty of beds, plenty of rooms. No need to circle up and sleep back to back against the rest of your family. Daryl and I sought each other out every night we were on the road. Anytime we didn’t have the prison or these Alexandria walls to protect us. We protected each other. His back tight against mine. 

Not always. Sometimes Judith would lay between us when she was fussy. Helped calm her it seemed. Nights like that I’d wake to Daryl’s hand on mine cause we both had been comforting Judith and fell asleep like that, our hands touching as they rested on her. And here I was again. Another sunrise. I’d sat through countless numbers of them. At the prison. On the road. Here in Alexandria. And I have the same thoughts going through my head. What am I waiting for? What am I afraid of? If he doesn’t come back I’ll have never had a chance. I’ll have lost something I never had and how tragic was that? Losing something I never even gave myself the _chance_ of having in the first place.

The wind rattled some loose boards along the tower as I kept vigil. I’d chased Sasha off so that I could be alone while I waited. So that I could be the first one to see him. So that I could get my lungs full of fresh air at seeing him coming home to me. I was practically suffocating without him. No matter how deep my breaths, I couldn’t seem to get enough air to quench my body’s need for it. The sky was light pale blues with a swath of faded pink. When yellow would bleed into the sky’s pallette, I would really worry. Daryl woke on instinct as soon as the final chirp of nighttime crickets faded on the new day. He’d be up already and walking home. He’d be on his way now. He _was_ on his way now. He had to be.

I scanned the treeline for him and told myself that this time was different. We’ve had too many scares here. Too many risks to keep on thinking I’d have another day to decide what to say and how to say it. This would be the day. I would tell him. But I don’t know what the fuck this is. That’s what I keep telling myself. I’ve always been attracted to women. Always. I’ve never looked at a man before and wondered what it would be like to lay my head on his chest and feel his fingers brush down my back. But maybe that was just because I hadn’t met Daryl yet. Because the feelings I’d been developing were not really as complicated as I made them out to be. I didn’t need a thousand sunrises to scrutinize their meaning. I’d been in love before. I knew what it felt like. Knew what it did to the speed of my heart, the pattern of my breath, the goosebumps on my skin. I loved him. I wanted him. I wanted to touch him and wanted him to touch me. And how could that be so hard to say?

The sun was coming up. And I waited. And I would say it this time because what the fuck was the point not to? The worst he could do was tell me he loved me too… but not like that. I can handle rejection. I handled a town full of walkers with my goddamn ax. I’ve killed men in their sleep. I’ve made decisions no man should ever have to make. And I can do all that but I can’t tell a man I love him? That’s ridiculous. I will tell him this time. If he comes back home to me. _When_ he comes back home to me. I will tell him that I feel like half a person when he’s gone. That I miss feeling his body against mine. That I crave his touch like fresh water. That I’m drawn to him like tired eyes to sleep and I can’t force myself to stand guard anymore. Can’t force my eyes to stay open and wary. I want to feel the comfort of Daryl’s arms around me like eyelids shutting out the blinding light. And I will tell him when he comes home. I will kiss him because actions speak louder to him than words. I will press my forehead to his shoulder in submission and give of myself whatever he will take. 

Maggie and Glenn were in the tomato garden, picking the juicy red ones that have been coming in before the sun got hot and high in the sky and I looked back out over the gates. The round yellow of the sun had crested the horizon. This time would be different. I won’t go through this again. I won’t let him leave my side again without knowing how much I love him. That I’d do just about anything to keep him close to me. I would scream from the rooftops that I love him because what the FUCK am I hiding it for!?!? No one gave Aaron and Eric grief. There was no room in the apocalypse for that kind of intolerance. 

Was I afraid Daryl wouldn’t reciprocate my feelings? Maybe. But the way he looks at me? It’s more than anyone has ever given me of themselves. Daryl’s loyalty was intoxicating. He was already mine in a million ways but one- his flesh against my flesh and not just for sleeping outside the safety of gates. Not just for warmth in the cold but for the peaceful pleasure of it. Because I wanted everything Daryl was, his heart, his soul, his lips, his arms. His devotion. His beauty. He was raw and rugged. Dirty as fuck, constantly. But that made me want him even fucking more. Because it showed how much he was concerned with everything and everyone else. Someone needed to be concerned about him. Someone needed to love him. I love him. I felt my cock twitch at the thought of greeting him. Wiping away smudges of dirt from his cheek with my thumb as I looked in his eyes to read his feelings. I could read him that way. And I knew he could read me and if he could then surely he already knew. He already knew that I was in love with him. And he hasn’t pulled away. He still lingers closer than necessary when we talk. Still holds my gaze longer than anyone else. Still sits thigh to thigh and shoulder to shoulder when eat together. And he holds my elbow gentle with a loose hand when he’s telling me something important. And he bumps against my shoulder when he’s joking. And he leans into me when I place my hand on the small of his back as we strategize quietly.

The sun paints the land and the trees in golden overtones and my stomach sinks. Because this is the time I’m going to tell him. And if he doesn’t return I was this close. This fucking close to tasting him. My tongue licking into his mouth and my lips desperately latching to his. I won’t survive another sunrise. This is a new day, a new world opening up with rays of light separating darkness from darkness. Giving a sliver of warmth to a very cold existence. And if he never came back to me I would lose myself because he is my center. He is everything. He’s been everything for so long I can’t even remember not loving him. I scanned the horizon and I saw movements in the trees below. A slight flash of color between the branches. And God’s name was on my tongue in an unexpected prayer. Please. God. Bring him home to me. Give me this one more chance. I will tell him. I will tell him and it will be right and he will be laying warm beside me when the rays from this sun go dark again.

And it was him. The crossbow over his shoulder and a string of squirrels on a rope hanging from his bag. He was looking up at me and he lifted his chin in greeting and I breathed out a long slow breath that I’d been holding for hours. I tore down the ladder like it was going to burst into flames if I didn’t get off it quick enough and jogged through the gates towards him. 

“Everythang go ok?” I asked, desperate to hear the sound of his voice.

“Yeah, man,” he said. “Judith keep you up? Look like you ain’t got a wink a sleep.” He bumped his shoulder to mine and held my gaze.

“No, I slept ok. Just had first watch,” I said as I put my hand on the small of his back walking him in through the gates. He had fresh kills to skin and I was still on watch and ...and I would tell him. I would tell him tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot. I imagine this is Rick's thought process every time Daryl leaves and he chickens out every time. But I'm sure he tells him tomorrow. Right?
> 
>  
> 
> P.s.- If you found this too angsty and depressing and you are looking for something sexy and funny afterwards... Might I recommend the new Rickyl podfic? 
> 
> Give it a try! Hillbilly's Daryl voice is unbelievably dead on. And the sound effects DustAnDirt added makes this a full audio experience! http://archiveofourown.org/works/6369412?view_adult=true


End file.
